The definition of resilience is bouncing back after adversity…

I read an article on the Primary Children’s blog. The blog article is about bouncing back as a family after you experience some trials. I love this quote from the article:

The definition of resilience is bouncing back after adversity.  Resilient people have skills they can draw on to see them through difficult life events such as the death of a family member, serious illness, and divorce.

We lost our sweet little boy 6 months ago today. The feelings of hopelessness and despair that we felt as we left the hospital without his little body that April morning are still very fresh for Brandi and I. It feels as though time stopped that morning. While we realize life has gone on, my mind seems to be stuck in that hospital room as I watched the Dr’s and nurses do all that they could to save Tate while I watched helplessly pleading with our Heavenly Father to let him stay with us.

I want to be strong for Brandi and the kids all of the time and be the resilient person that I know I need to be. It is tough to do that as it feels like my mind is stuck on replay of the last couple of days of Tate’s life. When I am struggling with it all the most I know Tate is close by watching down on me and helping me get through it, along with our amazing friends and family.

As active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we recently had our semi-annual general conference. This is a two day event within our church where our leaders speak to us and give us council and direction as we navigate this crazy life we are living. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has always been my favorite apostle due to his direct and poignant talks. This past Saturday he gave a talk entitled Like a Broken Vessel that felt like he was speaking directly to me and I am sure there were many members throughout the world that felt the same way. The closing of his talk was incredible and gave me comfort and peace that I will see my little buddy again and what an amazing reunion it will be:

Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee. Though we may feel we are “like a broken vessel,” as the Psalmist says, we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed. While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind.
I testify of the holy Resurrection, that unspeakable cornerstone gift in the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ! With the Apostle Paul, I testify that that which was sown in corruption will one day be raised in incorruption and that which was sown in weakness will ultimately be raised in power. I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind. What a thrilling moment that will be! I do not know whether we will be happier for ourselves that we have witnessed such a miracle or happier for them that they are fully perfect and finally “free at last.”¹² Until that hour when Christ’s consummate gift is evident to us all, may we live by faith, hold fast to hope, and show “compassion one of another.”

The past six months have been the hardest times of our lives. As a family I feel like we are closer than ever as we have been forced to be resilient. Tate has taught us how to be stronger and without him continuing to help us, there is no way we would be able to function as we continue to mourn.

I love the strength I feel when I am with Brandi and the kiddos. My wife is absolutely amazing as she continues to watch over Lexi and Hunter with such great care while her heart is broken due to missing Tate. Tate had the best mommy he could have ever had and I can’t wait to see her hold him again.

We are grateful for all of the help, support and prayers we have received the past six months. Thank you for “being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind” as we mourn the loss of our sweet boy. I have heard many times that time heals all wounds, but six months into this it feels like there is no cure for this wound. I miss him more than ever and I can’t wait to give Tate a huge hug and tell him how much I love him. He taught me so much in his 18 months on earth and I am so grateful and blessed that I was picked to be the Father of such an amazing little boy!